GASLIGHTING

The first time I heard, or rather read, the term gaslighting was just this past year. I was reading a book called HUSBAND, LIAR, SOCIOPATH by O.N. Ward. I just love the pen name the author chose...it looks so simple and legit that you may even miss the meaning at first. I know I did. But, one day the book was sitting on the dining room table, and all of a sudden, it hit me. O.N. Ward = onward. She was moving on. I decided that if I ever write a book detailing my story, my pen name will be Ursula Potter Ward. U.P. Ward. Upward. Because we all have to move onward and upward after we let go of the past.

Getting back to gaslighting...

According to Wikipedia, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which the victim is manipulated into doubting their memory, perception of events and even their sanity. 

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

It is almost impossible to know when you are being gaslighted WHILE you are being gaslighted. It is something that comes to light only AFTER you are able to walk away from the situation and the abuser and look back at your life.

I was gaslighted for many years. My ex-husband was charming and charismatic. He always put me on a pedestal when he talked about me to other people. Most people found him to be smart, witty and charming.

But that was all a show. He was good...he knew what people wanted to hear and he knew how to lure them in with his stories. I remember one couple he met (as a bartender) felt so sorry for him because he was being called to "serve his country". They thought it was awful that he would have to go abroad and leave his wife and two young children alone. Umm...he was never in any form of the armed forces. He played them...and got a nice fat tip out of it!

Going to back to the ways I was gaslighted...oh, there were so many! The money thing I mentioned in the previous post was probably the worst. I was always seeming to lose my money, to the point where I doubted whether I really had it to begin with. Most of the time, it was small amounts...amounts small enough that maybe I really did miscount in the first place. Gradually, the amounts grew, and I either stopped carrying cash altogether or actually found hiding spots for it. 

That didn't really do me any good. When there was no cash to be found, it was my debit card that went missing. It got to the point where I had to check the balance on-line daily. I would see withdrawals and he would deny them. He was sneaky, but still just convincing enough that I continued to fall for it for years.

When I say that most people found him to be a fun, charismatic guy, I'm being serious. People truly did like him. That was, until they got to know him a little better. The more he talked, the more inconsistencies there were in his stories. The more he talked, the grander things. The more he talked, the harder his hardships were. 

There are many more stories to tell...too many for one post. Stay tuned to learn more about how I was gaslighted for years and never knew it!