The Beginning of the Story

In those first few weeks, he accomplished just what he set out to do...he lured me in and made me feel sorry for him. None of what happened was his fault. She cheated on him. He worked 50 hours a week while she worked just part time. He came home from work early one night and caught her in their bed with another man. Then, she left him and took their daughter with her.

My heart bled for him. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. As if this wasn't all bad enough, he was about to lose his job and his apartment because of all that was going on in his personal life. This poor guy...what a tough spot he was in.

Soon after we started dating, he moved in. His lease was up on his apartment, and because of the "legal" expenses he was incurring, he couldn't afford to resign the lease. It made sense to me at the time. Plus, I was having some roommate trouble, so I was happy to have another person to share expenses with.

As we grew closer, I helped him file for divorce. And by "help", I mean I ended up paying for the legal fees. Most months, I also paid his child support. You are probably asking yourself why I didn't see the signs. Looking back, I ask myself the same thing.

But, he was very good at what he did. He was playing me and he had me Hook, Line, and Sinker. At this point in our relationship, his employment was shaky. But he always had a reason for quitting or getting fired. When he was working, he totally doted on me. I was still blind to the game, falling deeper and deeper in love...and in debt!

I occasionally realized that there was money missing from my wallet. When I questioned him about it, he always had an answer. Sometimes we needed milk or cat food. Other times, he took it with the "intent" to go to the grocery store while I was at work and then ran out of time.

Then, I started to realize that there were charges on my credit card that I didn't remember making. When I questioned that, he would tell me that I was there or that he told me about it. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't true, but he was so convincing.

Earlier this year, I found out that the term for this is "gaslighting". Tomorrow, I'll tell you all the ways I was being gaslighted.