In October 2011, my ex-husband was diagnosed with MS. He began therapy to help him accept this. During the course of his therapy, the therapist asked to meet with both of us. We met her together one time and then she asked to meet with us individually before meeting with us as a couple again.
Before I met with her by myself, he called her 3 times to tell her various things about me. After our session, he called again to see what I had said. I couldn't believe it when she told me that.
For some reason, when she told me this, everything clicked. It was like I was being given permission to accept what I held in the back of my mind for so long. So, although the timing really sucked - just about 6 months after his diagnosis - I made a decision.
When we went in for our next couples session, I told him that I needed a break. I wasn't asking for a divorce - yet - it was just a separation to give me time to "find myself" again. I had to do it in her office so that he wouldn't talk me out of it. I needed her moral support.
That was on a Wednesday. We took the kids out to dinner that night and told them that we were going to separate for a little while. They were distraught, of course, but we promised them that we would try to work things out and that this was just temporary.
The following Monday, April 16, 2012, he moved into a room at work. That night, he called me 3-4 times begging me to let him come home. The final time he called, he threatened to come back whether I let him or not. It was so hard - I just kept ignoring the phone calls and letting it go to voicemail.
At first, our agreement worked out pretty well. He stayed at work Sunday - Thursday, and spent the weekends at my mom's with the kids. She allowed him to sleep there so that he wouldn't have to drive back and forth. Since most of our bills were linked, we agreed on a certain dollar amount that he would give me each pay period. This amount was set to cover his share of the bills (cell phone, car insurance, etc) and help with "child support". The first pay period came, and he "forgot" to bring the money with him to my mom's. When he did finally write me a check, 10 days late, it bounced.
This was when I made my decision. Knowing that the lack of trust involving money was one of our biggest issues, he made no real effort to fix that. Instead, he told me that he was paying off his credit cards first. Once they were paid off, he would give me his "all of his paycheck" for child support and other bills. Keep in mind, that I also had over $10,000 in credit card debt - an amount attributed largely to him.
Needless to say, the day the check bounced was the day I made my final decision. It was a hard decision to make. He was the father of my children, and almost like a child himself. I was "forcing him to grow up" and live like a man. I knew it would not be easy for either of us - emotionally or physically.
That was almost 5 years ago. While I do not regret my decision, I do wish things could have turned out differently - at least for my children's sake. Stay tuned this weekend to see how things progressed and the trauma he put my children through.
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